awake.

Some times I find my self awake at very odd times, and all I can think about are our children around the world. I have to believe that this is a supernatural awakening. A time for intercession, a time for spiritual encouragement, a time to battle. It is at times like this, 3:58 am, that I believe God has woken me in order to intercede on behalf of our children, the ones I don't see every day yet, the ones I can't kiss when they fall down, the one's I can't protect and watch over, the ones I don't feed. It is at times like these when I gather legions of angels to encamp around my children, because I can't. I pray strength and courage over them, I pray protection, I pray an infusion of hope, I pray for people to help them, I pray for food, I pray for water. And tonight I pray that grief would not over take them but that they would find a peace that only God can bring, a hope when all else seems hopeless.

I don't know if other parents find themselves thinking these things but I often find myself wondering what days I am missing out on. Is today my sons 1st birthday? Is tomorrow the day that they arrive at the orphanage? Maybe on Friday my daughter will walk for the first time. I find myself wanting to document my life more thoroughly so that once they are here, I can look back and remember what I was doing on the days that their lives were significantly changing.

I can't imagine a situation where you must trust God more. I try to compare it to things I have experienced, like when we went to Africa and left Tre here. Or the many times I have said goodbye to Tre as they wheel his tiny body into an operating room. But it can't compare. In a situation that you have absolutely no control over what is going on with your children, and more than that you have no knowledge, yet I I feel utterly at peace. I know that God will bring them to us in His timing, that He will protect them and keep them. (I might have to read these word several times over the next few months and remind myself of this!)

This also helps me to question my dependence on God. Why is it that I believe that I must trust God with my children now more than ever? For this implies that once in my arms, I will no longer need His assistance, and yet the opposite is true.

Psalm 91

⁹ If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

¹⁰ then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

God, I thank you that in You is my dwelling place, in You I take refuge.

I believe that no harm or disaster will come near my children, in their tents, their huts, their paper beds, where ever they might be sleeping right now. Lord I rest in the knowledge that you have COMMANDED your angels to guard my family in ALL of our ways. I picture them lifted up in angels hands. Help me Lord to leave them there, even when I can lift them up on my own.