One Step Forward, Two steps Back

So, we're a little discouraged. Hopeful, but still a bit sad.

We found out yesterday that our file with Gladney has been put on "hold" until our other house sells. Which should be soon, as we have five offers, but with the bank, there is no telling when this could happen! Optimistically, two months and we can "move forward" but by "move forward" we mean, send in our last government form, the I600, which takes approximately three months, THEN we can get everything approved, THEN we will be on the wait list.

I know, I know, all the positive thoughts should go here. But I am just sad, that's all. I was ready to adopt about ten years ago, and we started this process one year ago today, and now, we probably still have another year to go.

I have been trying to stay positive as of late, so on easter I kept thinking, next easter our family will look so different, our babies will be home. On mother's day, I just kept thinking how different I would feel next year on mother's day.

Now I am thinking about what I should have done. If I had known, I would have applied to grad school and gotten my MSW out of the way over the next year, now it's too late. I would have taken the job I was offered, I didn't thinking I would be going to Africa a few times in the next six to eight months!

Now, I am not sure what God wants from me, my son will be in school full time in the fall, I imagined my self decorating new children's rooms and then running around after a few little ethiopians. Now I will be...

I'm sad, the weather isn't helping, or my husband being out of town. But I have a fun few days coming up, but I will still feel a void, we aren't moving forward, we aren't moving toward our babies, I feel like we are moving back, one step forward, two steps back, maybe that is my new theme song.